Bad Dreams :/

Warning: This post is a little emotional and heavy

for your average Monday morning!

It hasn't been too bad having Kenz working graveyards.

..... Until last night.
When I woke up from a bad dream crying.

And I was all alone in my bed!

Luckily, he HAS to stay awake all night,

so I could call him and whine to him.

This dream I had was so silly.

A bunch of people from high school came

and told Kenzie that they missed him and

he shouldn't have married me!

And there was this pretty girl

that wanted him back!

Of course if this were to happen in real life,

Kenz would choose me.

But in this awful, nightmarish dream

he COULDN'T DECIDE what to do!

It just seemed so real,

and it was just so awful.

I think these dreams are all of my

little insecurities

and the effects of my parents' divorce

all coming out of my subconscious brain

and being mean to me.

It was such a relief when I texted Mack at 4am

and he reassured me that he would always

{ CHOOSE ME }

And that's why he DID choose me.

As I was laying in bed,

SO not able to fall back asleep

I started thinking.

[ Which is usually not a good thing! ]

And I realized that I have been

so excited about this new house

because it was our OWN

and we could make it cute and OURS.

But I think what really makes

this house so special

is the commitment involved.

Just the fact that my husband

wants to buy a permanent

house with me speaks great volumes.

I feel like I take advantage of little things.

Like the fact that there ARE people

who would've liked to have ended up with Kenz.

And I get to be the one that wears his old T shirts

and watches his softball games

and sits in the middle seat in his truck.

As we have to pick up the pieces of my family falling apart,

it makes for some very hard and emotional nights.

The relationships I have with each member

of my family have changed drastically in the last 7 months.

It has been the hardest year of my life.

But we HAVE to find the positives in the situation

and through it all,

I am just SO thankful that mostly because of our jobs,

my husband and I know how to have crucial conversations

in a healthy, adult way

that our families never knew how to have.

We know how to talk about our feelings

and how to solve important issues in a marriage.

This weekend will mark our 2 year anniversary.

So I am thankful for things happening this week

[ like bad dreams ]

to help me remember how blessed I am to have

such a special person in my life.

So I hope you all won't get sick of hearing

me brag about my sweet husband this week,

but I am just so happy to be celebrating

two years of marriage with the best guy I know.

******************** ♥ *********************