How Do You Know??

Okay, so I have this cute little friend

who did a post about relationships.

And now my wheels are spinning.

She basically talked about how with marriage

comes the BORING phase,

and she wants to know HOW you know if

you have found the right person,

and how you keep things going strong.

This is something that I think about A LOT.

My parents were married for 21 years

before they got divorced.

That's terrrifying to me.

I am only into this marriage thing 2 years!

That means there are at least 19 more

years where something could go wrong.

It would seem like the odds are against us.

While their divorce was a little more fresh,

I was freaking out.

I was honestly pretty scared of my marriage failing.

But through a lot of RESEARCH, soul searching,

and talking with people who know a lot about this,

I have come to a reassuring conclusion.

***

#1: If it weren't going to work out,

you would know pretty early.

My mom has told me there were some pretty major

signs within the first MONTHS of marriage

that it wasn't a healthy relationship.

It is scary when you rush relationships because

when you see these signs early on,

there are already things

[ like rings or children ]

that make you overlook those signs.

It is very important to make sure you feel

100% sure that this is the right thing.

I honestly believe that there is a person out

there for everyone.

So if you are a few months into a relationship

and you find out that your guy was seen with

another girl over the weekend...

GET OUT OF THERE.

You WILL find someone else.

But it is too often that people will "work it out"

for reasons that are not healthy...

like the fear of not finding someone else for them...

OR the idea that you might be getting engaged soon

and that is exciting.

It's not worth it.

You have to take these sign seriously because

marriage doesn't usually change people for the better.

So it is likely that the problems now,

will get worse with time

and leave you heartbroken.

#2: The "in love" phase WILL fade.

I remember the summer I met my man.

He was honestly like a God to me.

I didn't think there could POSSIBLY be a single

thing wrong with him.

I would spend ALL hours of the day and night

thinking about how perfect he was.

Now I am not saying that these traits were fake.

He still has every single one of them... and MORE.

HOWEVER, I had not yet seen him shave and leave all

the hair from his face in the sink.. ALL DAY.

Haha, the point... no one is perfect.

When you are dating, you bring your A game.

You never show up not looking your BEST.

You focus all your energy on making sure you

say the right things and act the right way.

Well in time, you will get more comfortable in

the relationship, and you will start being yourself.

Which is a wonderful thing.

This is the time to ask yourself a

VERY important question...

Do I love this person for who they are...

or did I love the way they were treating me

for the first 3 months??

** If I could give ONE piece of advice to every couple,

it would be this:

Wait until the "in love" phase is over

before you make any serious commitment

(engagement, marriage, child)

Everyone falls IN LOVE.

But being in love and truly loving someone

are different.

I miss the in love stage sometimes.

It is like a drug.

Everything is sunny, smiley, happy.

But it doesn't last for anyone.

It changes.

Sometime for the better,

sometimes for the worse.

Don't let being in love blur your vision

of the big picture.

#3: Successful relationships take work.

A successful marriage doesn't just come because

you chose the right person.

I am constantly reading marriage books,

talking to the therapists at work,

and doing these stupid little 30 day marriage challenges

to keep the fire burning.

You seriously have to work at it.

Life gets busy.

And it is easy to forget about your spouse's needs.

But you can't let it happen.

You always have to do whatever it takes

to make sure your spouse knows

how much you care.

My marriage is my most prized possession.

I would give up my job,

my friends, my clothes, anything for it.

That is very comforting to me.

I think if you don't feel that way,

there is a problem.

It is easy to invest time, money, and energy

on it because it is the one thing in this

world that I want and need to work out.

The outcome of my marriage is

the most important thing to me.

#4: Things change.

Yes, sometimes it gets boring.

You always have to work.

You come home tired.

You don't do the crazy things you did

while you were dating.

But the beautiful thing about it

is that things get more meaningful.

It is so comforting to run out of gas and

have my hubby leave work and show up with a

gas can within a half hour.

Or to come home to a note on the counter.

I cherish the nights we spend on the couch

watching a movie together

or getting into a conversation that ends

up lasting two hours.

No, it isn't a weekend getaway to Vegas.

But it means so much more than

the silly things we did when we were younger.

You leave behind exciting

and get to know special.

***

I thought this picture was appropriate

because I remember the day I got stuck in

the hamper and Kenz had to go get the camera

and take a picture before he would help me out.

***

I live for little moments like that.