Baby Talk

WELL....

I hope you all won't mind if I vent for a minute.

I have some major emotions that I need to get out of my system!

Most of you probably don't know that Kenz and I

have spent most of this year trying to get pregnant. 

In the beginning, 

we just decided to stop being careful

and see if anything happens.

Nothing.

A few months later we started

really WANTING a baby.

Nothing.

Nothing, nothing. 

Now it is starting to consume me,

and every month is getting sadder and sadder.

I have been going to the doctor

and by next Monday we will know for sure what is going on.

The doc is like 90% sure that I have

 Endometriosis

but I had blood work and ultrasounds all last week

to rule out ovarian cysts or tumors.

I found out today that I have very high levels of prolactin,

which could be causing all of this. 

Assuming that it is endometriosis,

I am going to have to start this intense (expensive) therapy for 3-6 months

where I go in weekly for a shot and take pills everyday 

which will turn off my estrogen, which is what feeds the endometriosis.

Oh and PS! You can't get pregnant during this therapy!

Sounds super appealing right??

OR 

we can continue trying and take our chances of

getting pregnant with endometriosis,

which are not very high and include risks of miscarrying. 

Does that not seem like a lose/lose situation?!

I am so frustrated and this has been such an emotional roller coaster.

It is so hard for me to see people who don't even WANT kids

or TRY to get pregnant getting them.

There are so many times people get drunk and get pregnant!

Or don't want another baby, but get an accident!

Or we have a friend who's girlfriend basically tricked him into

getting her pregnant so he wouldn't break up with her.

Needless to say it is infuriating to me

that someone could bring a baby into the world

in those types of situations when I want one so bad!

I am hesitant to say that because I don't want my good friends

that are pregnant to think I am not happy for them, because I totally am!

And I know they will be amazing parents.

I'm just jealous!

I know we are still young

and there is tons of time to start our family. 

But when you decide that you are ready for it,

it is hard not to be sad when it doesn't happen.

And it is hard not to get upset when people don't appreciate

the blessing of having kids.

And on top of that, 

it SUCKS getting poked and picked on at the doctor

all the time and knowing you're not getting any closer to the end.

Sorry for the pity party!

I am trying to have a good attitude

and not stress out too much about it

cuz I'm sure that's only making matters worse.

I just want to start my family!